In our homes we have finally arrived at the 12th day of Christmas! It is still early here, and very cool for South Florida, so sitting in the garden is out of the question! My blood is too thin for that! So as I sit here thinking on Him, and how gracious he has been to me, I thank God for the opportunity I have been given to experience his love first hand, and to share his love with you.
Do you know that many people never experience his love? Actually they do experience it, but they don't realize it, nor do they even acknowledge him. I was talking with a young friend about this yesterday, and she asked me a great question: "if God is so loving and is here and involved with my life, why did he allow me to be molested when I was 5?" Wow. I am sure many people have the same type questions. I know I myself was molested 3 times by three people that I trusted, and yet, I never wondered about God's love until I was having panic attacks in my late 20's. It was at that time I began to wonder not just about God's love, but even about his very existance.
I got to the end of myself, and was as low as I could personally go. And I will never forget that day. I was so distraught and really didn't know which end was up. I wanted to believe what I had been taught, but my experiences were such that my heart and spirit were left so hurt because of my perspective on what I was going through that I just couldn't trust anything anymore. So in my desperation, I went out on my patio and cried bitterly. I didn't understand why God would allow me to walk through such a dark time and seemingly abandon me. So I looked up and said,
"God, I am not sure of anything anymore. I am not sure you even exist. But if you do, I need you to show me because if you don't, I am just going to give up."
God did show up. In a miraculous way. Instantly, it was as if I was wrapped up in his wings. I literally felt his 'feathers' around me. I smelled him, too. Like freshness after a rain. The sensation was like nothing I can adequately describe and it has never happened to me since. But I haven't needed it to. I now know that it was his Spirit that manifested himself and wrapped his arms around me. I don't know how long it lasted. I was long enough for me. I looked up again and said, "ok, now I know you exist. Where do we go from here?"
So here we are, more than 2o years later, and I can tell you why I had to go through all that. And I will.
In fact, since the 12 Days are over, God has shown me what this blog needs to be used for. It is to address those 'difficult' subjects by looking at what God's word has to say and looking to those who are wiser than I for the answers. I know I am settled in my faith, but it took many years for me to feel this way. And God is still showing me insights that help me to see things from his perspective, not only from my little tunnel vision world.
So, if you have a question, send it in. I cannot tell you for sure that I will be able to answer it, but we will explore it together and hopefully try to see it from God's perspective.
I will tell you this, I know that God has NEVER abandoned me. He was with me throughout every moment, even when I was being molested. He never left me, and was my strength and comfort. He promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you and no one can pull you out of my hand". So I know he was always there, always holding me, protecting me. But that doesn't mean that bad things won't happen. But more on that tomorrow.
Visit www.12daysbook.com for more on our 12th Night Feast!!
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